Friday, September 23, 2011

ready to fly

Apparently fall is upon us - not just here in St. Louis, but back home as well. It occurred to me as we were here that I left all of one pair of jeans unpacked and exactly one long-sleeved shirt. In our car in Portland is my hooded purple sweatshirt jacket...and this concludes our warm clothing until we unload our storage unit once we've got somewhere to unload it to. Luckily there are some awesome clothing swaps/thrift stores in Portland, And I already have friends my size who are quite stylish and frugal and can take me shopping. I guess I get some new additions to my wardrobe this year.

The money arrived in our bank account, and we got dollar for dollar in the currency conversion, so that was all good. I haven't written in awhile both because we've been busy doing things with friends and because I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and exhausted again. Yesterday I was under the weather and managed to spend the entire day in bed doing absolutely nothing...just watching TV and surfing the web.  Okay, I did do a bit of smartphone plan research, but other than that, just nothing of use.

I'm just tired. I'm tired of driving almost an hour to get to anywhere we want to go, every other day or sometimes daily. I'm tired of everyone wanting us to go and do this or that with them and none of them offering to come out here to see us. Then they are disappointed when we cancel because it is just too much driving for us. I'm tired of not having our stuff around us, and our bed, and Frenzie, our little kitty. I'm tired of the rude drivers here and the smoking and the way people think they can speak to my son as though he is beneath them, rather than treating him like a human being.

I'm sad that I cannot be around my Mother and one of my brothers without feeling like it's no different than if I were 3000 miles away, because I am no longer included in their version of family. Except in email. I'm really sad about that - I feel like they are excluding me because I am far away, like I am just not a part of them anymore. My youngest brother and I have connected more this trip, though - I am very grateful for that.

I want to go home. It isn't that I haven't enjoyed being here  - I really have enjoyed reconnecting with old friends and spending time with my in-laws and my youngest brother. Seriously. It has been great fun going to the zoo and to the Magic House and parks and shopping. And we're just ready to go home now. To begin our life in Portland. To be somewhere that is ours again.

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