Have you heard of The Spoon Theory? I hadn't, until a few months ago. But it is a brilliant theory, in my opinion, because it really does explain what life is like when one has a chronic illness. When my own husband read it it helped him understand what I am going through in a much more profound way. I highly recommend clicking on and reading (and even bookmarking) that article, it is well worth it. Go ahead, I'll wait.
You see? That's it. That's my life now. Most days, even though I am probably sitting here on the sofa doing nothing, because that's what I have the spoons for, I cannot even brain enough to write blog entries, and instead I either read Facebook because it's brainless, or watch silly sitcoms, because they keep my mood up. If I do have the ability to brain anything, or any energy, I'm not at my computer - I am doing stuff with my son or getting some laundry done or catching up on chores that pile up while I'm down. (My husband, though valiant and tireless during this period, is only human, and cannot manage allthethings while also working outside our home full time).
And then there are days like today: my brain works, but my body feels exhausted - like I've been hard at work or am completely sleep deprived, despite having had a full night's rest. I'm just tired. But deeply, bodily tired, like I just can't move, and even walking to the bathroom is a LOT to ask of my body.
I use a combination of allopathic (that's traditional western medicine), biomed, naturopathic and chinese medicines to foster my healing. I see a therapist, and a GP, a naturopath, a rheumatologist, sleep experts, a chiropractor, and massage therapists just to keep at this level of function. Because it was even worse before. My brain fog was so bad and my energy was so low that even doing something as seemingly simple as typing a blog post seemed herculean. Everything in the world was overwhelming. My anxiety was so bad that even making a phone call seemed impossible. My husband was making most of my appointments and then even taking off work to take me to them so I would be able to go.
I take an amount of supplements I cannot even talk about because it is so far beyond anything I ever thought I would see myself do. Food is medicine if one's body is functioning properly and can absorb the nutrients in the food...but when one's biochemistry is all out of whack and one's health is a multi-layered onion...well, it seems food can be thought of as Step 1. I am very VERY careful about my eating - my body does well on only a handful of foods, all of them grown in nature and unprocessed. I have learned in these past two years what my triggers are and I work hard to avoid them all.
My goal now is to keep working and keep finding where I am unbalanced, and do my best to correct that imbalance. So that I will have energy again And be able to move my body again. And go out into the world safely again. And I can see that it can happen...albeit it slowly, I can see that it just takes careful tweaking of this and that until it takes me up a level, then I can address the next layer, and so on. And as much as I love my beloved Pacific Northwest, I think that being in the wet and mold and lack of sunlight isn't working for my body, and I need to find somewhere that I can heal a little faster and more completely.