stress and more stress

Wow, so that whole month just went by, and there was so much packed into it, yet it didn't feel like much happened.

I was sick for almost all of it. Being in his different environment that my body was not used to just took it out of me. I tried and tried and I could NOT get my system to recover, because I was in a house hat was making me really sick. And the irony is, when I'd feel so horrible, rather than getting out of the house and getting fresh air, different air, non-stale air that was making me ill, I would just want to rest. And the only place I could rest was the place that was making me sick. So then I'd get sicker.

There was a point where I thought my cold was starting to abate, and then all of a sudden the next day I had this wheezing, couldn't-catch-my-breath cough. It came into me and settled in my lungs and did not seem to want to leave. And it was exacerbated by...this house. There is a ton of dust here - not my dust - other people's dust which I am not used to. There are some really powerful pet odor smells - both from the furniture and the liter boxes, and I am really sensitive to smells. And then, there is the mold. Because we are in a wet climate and there are lots of trees around and whatever else makes mold happen...I can smell it, and i gets into m lungs and is causing me to cough. Actually, it is getting into my lungs, causing asthma, and that is causing me to cough.

At one point when I thought that I might need to take my own life from the congestion and coughing, I called Sophya, my NAET practitioner, acupuncturist, doctor of TCM. I told her what was happening, told her that I wasn't getting better, only worse, and she did an energy balancing on me and sent me some chinese herbs and homeopathic medicine to take. I went to sleep that night, and the next day I woke up and felt significantly, noticably better. My whole body felt different, like there had been this huge shift, and all of a sudden I was able to break through the sick. Thank you, Sophya! The cough was still there, but the cold had left the building, and the cough was also lessening.

I've slept sitting up for the past two weeks to just be able to breathe at night, and for he most part of those two weeks, I'd be up doing nothing but coughing until 5-7 am, then I'd fall asleep for a few hours, then cough myself awake again. So yeah, being able to sleep through the night? An AMAZING gift.

And during all of that cold having and coughing and peeing myself because all of the coughing - oh yeah, that was the stuff....we were still looking for a place to rent. And Hubby was going on interviews. And we were doing our best to fin things to help Kiernen cope with being here and not having his stuff, and everything we own being in storage.

In conclusion, sick house + finding a place to rent in a dog eat dog rental market + finding a job + no having a space of our own or any sort of sanctuary + too much computer time = stressful month.

And it is drawing to a close. The herbs are here, I am taking them to treat my coughing/asthma. Kiernen loves the chickens here - I mean he really really loves them. Our friends are letting us stay with them while we wait for our place to be ready, and we really enjoy being with those particular friends. We did find a place, and we will be moving into it soon. Halloween is right around the corner. It is getting better.

the unsettling

When we arrived at the rural house, one thing was already in my consciousness: here we are again at yet another location where nothing is ours but what is in our suitcases - where everything here belongs to someone else. The weather has turned cold and we didn't pack for it - we each have one hoodie, one pair of tennis shoes, no boots. Okay, I have suede boots because I bought some in St. Louis. All of our clothing, our shoes, our belongings are still in storage.

Intellectually it didn't seem like it might be a big deal and yet...after returning from a month in someone else's home, no matter how wonderful that home was - it wasn't ours. And to come to a home that was again far away from everything we needed and also not ours...I really wasn't prepared for the difficulty of it for us. I suppose this might be one of those things that seems obvious in hindsight, and yet I cannot help but feel I ought to have seen this coming, at least a little bit. And maybe I did, and I didn't want to look at it. Sometimes that happens - I hear my intuition and I ignore it. I'm not sure it is my intuition, and I think I ought to push through - maybe i is my own worries or ears coming forth.

That's not to say there isn't good coming out of it, or that it is a terrible experience. We're warm and safe and we have this place to stay for a month while we look for our own space. And we've got it to ourselves, so we don' feel like we're overstaying or encroaching on someone else's space. We can just find out own routines and do what we like.

And there is just this feeling of displacement, of being unsettled, and it is getting to all of us. It can be difficult to figure out things like where to settle when Hubby doesn't have a specific job lined up yet - though he does have leads.

We've made some trips out to pick up some warmer clothing and mukluk boots for walking about in the chicken yard/in the rain outside. We've filled the fridge with groceries we like, and we've arranged ourselves in the space in a way that works for us for now. We have our bedding and the Xbox and our laptops and some toys for Kiernen. We are as comfortable as we are able to be in a space that isn't set up specifically for us.


And then there is the physicality of the space itself. There have been renovations happening here: carpets being pulled up, painting, floors going in. I imagine that has kicked up a lot of dust and brought up some old stuff into the air, because since I've gotten here I hav been becoming increasingly more congested. It doesn't help that I just spent the last month in St. Louis during a darn powerful allergy season, sniffing and nose running the whole time. Then to arrive here into a new environment and no immunity to whatever is here plus the stress of being so unsettled...

Now I have a cold.

"I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me and around me. All is well. " (~ Louise Hay affirmation for colds)


We did take a brilliant tour, guided by my friend Bullet, through a list of neighborhoods in Portland. I am so grateful that we do have these great people here who are totally willing to take us under their wings and do things like let us stay in their home, pick us up from the airport, and be our tour guide through the whole city when I know there are other things they could be doing. It was neat to see so much of it and have some history, too - rather than just finding a place on our own and trying to figure out details about it by osmosis. Not to mention there are two kiddos in the mix for Kiernen to play with, too!

Photos to come when I get it together and take some - when it sops raining and my cold lets me do more than mope about in bed.

When his cold lets up a bit (it's got me down in bed now) I plan on joining OccupyPortland and showing my solidarity. We are the 99%!

OccupyWallStreet