Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back...One Step Forward Again

Sure enough, once we moved to the new RV Park, within just a couple of hours I was already feeling so much better and less pain. And after being here a couple of days now, still maintaining that improvement. Pain in my body is almost gone really, and fatigue as well. I do keep waking up with a headache, but it does also mostly go away once I've been awake awhile. I'm not sure exactly what that's about.

It's been raining here nonstop and that affects me differently, but not nearly as adversely as those power lines. I just get a little more tired and sleepy and want to snuggle under blankets and have much less humidity in the air. But I'm functional. 

I had an amazing day visiting my family yesterday - a day that makes me wish hard that our time in this city could be for longer than it is. It feels SO short this time. It's been several years since we've all seen each other and there is so much to catch up on. Would that we could be here a month so we could really start to tackle it.

I still have many limitations that prevent me from being able to see all the people I wish I could see here. People have to make changes to see me - they have to be scent-free and willing to come to us in the RV park, because other than my Mom's house I'm not sure where I could be safe. I have to be extra super careful about what I eat and making sure to take all of my supplements (and getting in extra) so my immune system can handle all the stress of new and different situations.

Traveling while healing and detoxing is not exactly ideal, but it is doable if I just make sure to prioritize my health and really be careful about listening to my body's needs and taking care of them.

Before when we've visited the way we would handle being able to see many people at once is we'd have a gathering somewhere - usually a kind friend would offer their home or we'd meet at a park or something, and invite friends to come, so we could have a time of seeing them. But my body cannot handle that this time - there are too many variables that could happen in a group (like scents and colds and such), and for my health I just cannot do that anymore.

I'd like to think there will come a time when I will be able to again. Once I've healed enough to have reached a stable space and be back in the world safely and fully again. I have real hope that it will happen in time.

Until then I am mindful, paying attention, making sure I'm eating the most healing foods (as outlined by Anthony William in his books, "Medical Medium" and "Life-Changing Foods", as well as in his blogs and podcasts). I'm eating lots of raw, since my body seems its best with that - and potatoes at night. I drink my celery juice and heavy metal detox smoothie every morning, along with my supplements and herbal tinctures. I don't think I've ever been SO diligent about making sure everything that goes in has a healing purpose since I did the Medical Medium cleanse. And that was just the foods, no supplements then.

But it's important - this is how I get through all of this okay and continuing to heal. I couldn't have done this at all a year ago. I am so grateful for all of the healing information I DO have now thanks to the Medical Medium, because it has gotten me this far. Being able to travel at all. Being able to see my family again. Having days like yesterday with laughter, love, family, it meant everything to me.

A year ago I wasn't sure I'd ever even be able to see my family again. I'd lost hope that I'd ever find healing or get better or be able to leave my house safely again. So to be able to do all of those things with some accommodations (everyone was scent-free for me) has been a gift I'm eternally grateful for.

Photos to come in a couple of weeks, once they've been processed. 

I can haz head injury!

So I was able to churn out a few posts and then BAM! Post-concussive syndrome took me down again, so NO SKREENZ FOR MEH. Because they'd make my symptoms go haywire, and I couldn't move from the sofa because of the dizziness. It as like being hung over every day, but without he fun night of partying beforehand to make it all worth it "but I will never drink again".

And now I am back on the screens because two things happened:

1) I called Sophya Itskovich, who has been my NAET practitioner, my immunologist, my acupuncturist, my "Russian Grandmother", and I told her about my symptoms and what had been happening since the end of January. Unbeknownst to me, she did an energy balancing on me that Sunday, and that Sunday, no kidding, I began feeling better. With the exception of one very scary and down day*, I have been feeling better and continuing to improve ever since. I still need to be careful with screens after dark, and with too much artificial light. I also haven't been brave enough to try venturing into a large store with artificial lighting yet, but I am definitely functional during the day and on the mend.

2) * - I went to see the neurologist. This was the day - Friday the 13th - that was my really bad, down day - I was severely depressed, crying all day, in general gloom an doom/freakout mode. And then I went to see the neurologist. My symptoms were really buzzing - the office had new furniture and possibly carpeting, which was off-gassing, and it was driving my senses into overload - I felt like I was going to both throw up and pass out, and it was making me REALLY irritable. And crazy.

Then the whole place is lite by the worst fluorescent lights ever - you'd think that a hospital of all places (especially one called Sunnyside) would be more sensitive to the needs of patients, especially the neurology department. In the exam room, same thing - I was at least able to turn off the light in there, but there was still new furniture and some rubbery smell - the latex gloves maybe - I don't know. But gah, my blood pressure must have been through the roof. I was anxious, shaking, the whole works.

And finally he came in. And he patiently and slowly asked questions: about what happened, about my history, about my symptoms - and he listened as I explained every single one of them. He checked me out, and when he had to shine a light in my eyes, he was apologetic. He spoke calmly and slowly to me, and explained to me that he thought I definitely have a head injury, and that ALL of my symptoms are coming from the effects on my inner ear  - ALL of them (and there is a comprehensive list!).

I told him about my family history - my uncle and mother have been diagnosed with Spinocerebellar Ataxia, it is genetic, my cousins, brothers and I all have a 50/50 shot of having it ourselves. And he got it. He got me, and he understood my fear, and why these lingering symptoms worried me, and he totally validated all of my feelings, and as he did that and he visit went on, and he reassured me three or more times that NONE of my symptoms could possibly be ataxia-related because I have a head injury and they all started then.....my anxiety, fear, and blood pressure all began to melt and calm down.

He wrote me for physical therapy for my inner ear - physical therapy! I can make a difference here!  There is something I can do to actively help retrain my inner ear to know where my body is in space. And he wrote for an MRI - he said he wasn't sure I really needed one, but he'd get me one just to be sure - and that I could sign for it and keep it afterwards! I cannot WAIT to see the results of that test! Pictures of my brain! Woohoo!

The nurse came in and took my blood pressure at the end there, and
I told her she was smart for doing so  -had she taken it at the beginning it would have been through the roof! By the time the appointment ended, I was again feeling good, practically dancing out of the exam room and to the waiting arms of my family, who had been enjoying the sunshine outside. I have a head injury! Could anyone ever be so happy to have that diagnosis??? With PT to follow and an MRI? YES.

To top it off, the sun has come out (albeit intermittently) in Portland, and the city has exploded all over itself in beautiful multicolored bloom. SPRING is here, in Portland, and how amazingly perfect the timing. We spent our whole weekend lazily squeezing errands and "to-dos" in between our long stretches of time at the local parks, where we were running around, blowing bubbles, playing frisbee, and collecting sticks for my container garden.

If you ever come and visit Portland, spring and summer is when we really shine, and crazily so. Man alive, is it insanely beautiful here.

and sometimes, concussion

So now I am going to talk about post concussive syndrome, because I have it. What post-concussive syndrome is, for those who might not know, is a refusal of concussive symptoms to abate, long after said concussion was supposed to be healed. It can last for weeks, months, and in some cases, years. Symptoms can range from ringing in the ears, dizziness, vertigo, nausea, sensitivity to light and sound (and for me, also odors), headaches, difficulty concentrating, loss of balance, foggy thinking, loss of energy/fatigue, depression, mood swings, irritability, and "not feeling right".

I have most of these symptoms, and my concussion happened at the end of January. I am really trying to keep my spirits up, be in the present, trust that I will heal. I do things like play Superbetter (when I am able to be in front of screens AND concentrate), I plan my container garden, I read books about container gardening and now currently, Gaia's Garden, Second Edition: A Guide To Home-Scale Permaculture
, which is a wonderful primer on permaculture - I highly recommend it to anyone who ever loved plants/nature/has a garden.

I've also been watching uplifting movies - the most recent being, "I AM" (also created by a very famous director who had post-concussive syndrome), "The Power of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil", and  "The End of Suburbia: Oil Depletion and the Collapse of the American Dream" - all three of which tie in to the whole permaculture idea (that last one wasn't so uplifting, but I watched it first, then the one about Cuba, and that helped a lot.Basically I find things I can do while on the sofa, because most days, my dizziness is so bad, I cannot do much else.

 I take amino acids for my brain, and I try and do positive things, and sometimes - especially amidst a week long streak of dizziness and zero socialization - the depression sets in. I am here all day without much ability to do much - even things like cooking meals or showering, some days.  When I look around at the state of my house, and the fact that I cannot do much to affect it...sometimes I feel deep sadness, and fear. When Hubby gets home, he plays with Kiernen, makes dinner, tries to keep things from completely falling apart, and he really is a trooper.

I am grateful for him, for the fact that my being home is possible, that Kiernen is of the age where he can do so many things on his own, and that he is for now, okay with snuggling on the sofa and doing calm, quiet activities with me. When Kiernen sees me sad or struggling, he will come and offer me love and a hug, and he is so great about just hanging out and living at my pace for now. And when Daddy gets home, there is the active play, which he do needs. I am grateful for the mini trampoline we bought from a friend, so that Kiernen CAN at least bounce and have that release when he needs it inside, too.

I am curious as to what the lesson might be for me here. What can I gain/learn from this experience that keeps it continuing? I am open to answers, to insight, and to breakthrough. It must be coming soon, right? Because the saying goes, on the other side of breakdown is breakthrough?