Friday, October 7, 2011

the unsettling

When we arrived at the rural house, one thing was already in my consciousness: here we are again at yet another location where nothing is ours but what is in our suitcases - where everything here belongs to someone else. The weather has turned cold and we didn't pack for it - we each have one hoodie, one pair of tennis shoes, no boots. Okay, I have suede boots because I bought some in St. Louis. All of our clothing, our shoes, our belongings are still in storage.

Intellectually it didn't seem like it might be a big deal and yet...after returning from a month in someone else's home, no matter how wonderful that home was - it wasn't ours. And to come to a home that was again far away from everything we needed and also not ours...I really wasn't prepared for the difficulty of it for us. I suppose this might be one of those things that seems obvious in hindsight, and yet I cannot help but feel I ought to have seen this coming, at least a little bit. And maybe I did, and I didn't want to look at it. Sometimes that happens - I hear my intuition and I ignore it. I'm not sure it is my intuition, and I think I ought to push through - maybe i is my own worries or ears coming forth.

That's not to say there isn't good coming out of it, or that it is a terrible experience. We're warm and safe and we have this place to stay for a month while we look for our own space. And we've got it to ourselves, so we don' feel like we're overstaying or encroaching on someone else's space. We can just find out own routines and do what we like.

And there is just this feeling of displacement, of being unsettled, and it is getting to all of us. It can be difficult to figure out things like where to settle when Hubby doesn't have a specific job lined up yet - though he does have leads.

We've made some trips out to pick up some warmer clothing and mukluk boots for walking about in the chicken yard/in the rain outside. We've filled the fridge with groceries we like, and we've arranged ourselves in the space in a way that works for us for now. We have our bedding and the Xbox and our laptops and some toys for Kiernen. We are as comfortable as we are able to be in a space that isn't set up specifically for us.

And then there is the physicality of the space itself. There have been renovations happening here: carpets being pulled up, painting, floors going in. I imagine that has kicked up a lot of dust and brought up some old stuff into the air, because since I've gotten here I hav been becoming increasingly more congested. It doesn't help that I just spent the last month in St. Louis during a darn powerful allergy season, sniffing and nose running the whole time. Then to arrive here into a new environment and no immunity to whatever is here plus the stress of being so unsettled...

Now I have a cold.

"I allow my mind to relax and be at peace. Clarity and harmony are within me and around me. All is well. " (~ Louise Hay affirmation for colds)

We did take a brilliant tour, guided by my friend Bullet, through a list of neighborhoods in Portland. I am so grateful that we do have these great people here who are totally willing to take us under their wings and do things like let us stay in their home, pick us up from the airport, and be our tour guide through the whole city when I know there are other things they could be doing. It was neat to see so much of it and have some history, too - rather than just finding a place on our own and trying to figure out details about it by osmosis. Not to mention there are two kiddos in the mix for Kiernen to play with, too!

Photos to come when I get it together and take some - when it sops raining and my cold lets me do more than mope about in bed.

When his cold lets up a bit (it's got me down in bed now) I plan on joining OccupyPortland and showing my solidarity. We are the 99%!


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