Healing Really Happens!

Healing happens. It happens! Healing is happening. It's happening to me, and if you'd have told me a year ago this could happen I'm not sure I'd have believed it, my feelings of loss and hopelessness in living with this chronic illness - ALL of these chronic illness diagnoses - was so deep and the chasm between hope and my actual life were so wide. No, I doubt I would have believed it.

But it's happening. In the back of my mind, I felt that what I was doing wasn't working - I mean obviously, right? If it had been working, how would I be SO sick? I had thoughts that eating Autoimmune Paleo was actually making me sicker, making many people sicker, but I didn't know how to prove it. I had thoughts of that year I ate raw food and how good I was starting to feel. And I wondered if I could do it again.

But at the time of wondering there also wasn't much in the way of hope, because I had been SO sick for so long, and I had lost SO many foods despite eating what I believed to be a clean diet. It was certainly organic. Gluten and dairy and soy and corn-free. Lots of grassfed meats and fats, veggies....but very little fruit. And something in the back of my mind kept making me think of raw foods.

And then there was the Medical Medium book. I'd seen it several months prior and even thought to read it. I pre-ordered it even, I meant it. I was going to read it. Where did I originally see it? I couldn't even remember anymore. MY brain was so fogged, it was all I could do to just exist. I was always in such a fog.

Why are there no blog entries from then?

Are you kidding me? Write a blog entry? I could barely write my own name - I couldn't concentrate long enough to make words make sense to other humans, I had so much to express about the pain and suffering and the deep, full body FATIGUE that cannot even be described, it was so incredibly deep and painful. It went all the way from my toes into my brain, and weighed down my whole body like a mat made of stone. I could watch mindless comedies, I could dizzily surf the web, not retaining much of anything. Sometimes I could read properly but not usually whole books - it was all too much for my brain to process, too much for my nervous system to handle.

Even this - being able to write a blog entry - this is proof of huge healing taking place. I'm so eternally greatful for this. SO greatful for this ability, for the clearing of the brain fog.

Today I stood for longer than I've been able to stand in years. Years! And I did it TWICE. Even *I* was flabbergasted, because I didn't expect that to happen. What? Usually my back gives out pretty quickly when I stand - I can do it for 5-10 minutes maybe, on a good day. I thought it was something only extensive physical therapy would help, you know, once I'm healed enough to go back to physical therapy (and we're maybe not traveling).

But today, I made my celery juice, then set the timer for 20 minutes. MAde tea for my son and myself. Took my morning meds when the timer went off (still standing the whole time because I was preparing food for my son and also doing dishes). Made more food for my son (he and I both graze), finished the dishes, made my morning Heavy Metals Detox smoothie, and then after using the bathroom finally sat down - but I didn't NEED to sit like usual. It was a relief, but I still could have stood more if I'd had to.

And then I did it again at lunch time. Made food for myself, made food for my son. Did the dishes while waiting for his food to heat up (also put other dishes away from the morning). Finished making my food, and another lemon water, made sure my son was fed and watered, and finally sat down. Again, a record amount of time for me to be standing. This is amazing. Amazing!

And the thing is, I've only just begun. After consulting with Carolyn the other day, I've only just begun to really implement the first steps of her recomendations. I've only just begun to be adherent to this new set of "rules". For me, this works, having this very specific plan set out ahead of me. One step at a time, I'm instituting these new supplements, but the food part is falling into place so nicely.

One of thew things she told me to do for my adrenals is to make sure I'm eating balanced adrenal snacks as outlined here in Anthony's blog. I'd been eating every hour or hour and a half and that was going well, but introducing this new level of specificity to what I'm eating has turbo charged my ability to adhere to it and also just has me feeling better in general. It  also just helps to just KNOW what I'm going to eat - that prevents me from grabbing things that are less than healthy for my healing.

As I was writing this, my husband came home and asked my son if he wanted to go for a walk. They rarely ask me to go because I am usually not able to - but this time I said, "I want to go, too!" I was feeling so energized by my experiences today! I wanted to see what else I could do. And I went! It was a workout for me, because my body isn't used to much movement yet, but it felt good to be able to do, and I'm do glad I did.

Healing is really happening, more every day, and I am loving noticing the changes.