Friday, November 10, 2017

Bye Felicia! Or Kicking Cold and Flu's Butt.

Hello my friends, my fellow healers, my chronic illness warriors, and how are you this fine November day?

Me? I'm BRILLIANT! I feel AH-MAY-ZING!

I just did this two week guided group cleanse based on Medical Medium principles. It was a super chill relaxed cleanse, and there were many of us in the group. It was run and organized in a way that despite the huge number of people, no one was left behind - everyone's questions got answered by a super knowledgeable team, we all supported each other too, and the recipes and meal plans were simply DELICIOUS, my whole family loved them!

I cannot tell you what happened in the cleanse, because it was a sacred space, what happens in the cleanse stays in the cleanse. But I CAN talk about what happened for ME and how I'm feeling afterwards.

My goals for the cleanse were to take my fat to the next level of lower, to release a couple of foods I'd still been holding on to that weren't hurting me per se, but weren't furthering my healing either. I want everything I eat to nourish and feed my body in a healthy healing way.

I not only accomplished those two goals with ease, but I also learned SO MUCH about the way we heal, the way we release toxins, and I even made some new friends along the way. Pretty awesome, right? And I noticed something about myself. With each new layer of healing, I become more sensitive to my body's needs, and to what's happening inside it. It's like I'm deepening my relationship with my body.


That might sound esoteric, but here's an example. I've come to know without a doubt the very first signs that a new virus, like a cold or flu, is in me and trying to take hold. I don't mean signs that others would notice because it's obvious, but very slight signs that are inside, but I've come to know them as "it's here". For me that's a very slight achiness in my shoulders, feeling run down just a little bit, and sometimes there will be a little tickle in my throat or sinuses. If the virus gets to take hold, all of those things will intensify, of course, with all of the other symptoms that come with cold or flu. 

However, I've learned to, at the very first sign, start releasing my arsenal upon it, and usually, I will triumph, and the virus will not take hold. Case in point, this last week towards the end of the cleanse, I started to feel its presence. So I got my zinc and did three droppers to the back of the throat (so disgusting, I cannot even tell you, but damn, it WORKS, so I power through). Then I juiced a tiny bit of fresh turmeric (I react if I use too much, it's really powerful for me), a knob of ginger and two oranges. Drink that down with lots of loud "woo!"s afterward because that ginger has a kick! Woo! Follow all that with my regular supplement and tincture regimen. Repeat the former every couple of hours throughout the day, of course also including other juices, smoothies, healing teas and healing foods as required.

This one was a toughie, because usually the initial zinc to the back of the throat will take it out and that will be that, but this one was a boss - it needed the big guns. So two days of this, then also having completely interrupted sleep for one of the nights....and last night I went to bed WAY early, and slept for something like 12 hours. Unheard of for me! But I woke up today feeling FANTASTIC! I kicked that thing's butt to the curb! Bye Felicia! Of course I will continue my arsenal for another day just to be sure. But wow! I love having the tools and information  I need to fully support myself and my healing. I cannot even tell you how amazing it feels.

And as for how I feel after this cleanse? I feel lighter - spiritually and physically, I feel more empowered, and I feel ready to continue - because I'm about to jump into a 3.5 month program called "Detox Mastery" with many of the same people. It's really like I unlocked a part of myself I haven't seen in a long while - and I'm so happy to have her (me) back! I'll try to explain. 


I used to LOVE preparing food. As I am happiest when I am creating something with my hands, preparing food fed my creativity as well as my body and soul. Back when I was 80-90% raw for over a year and living in a cohousing community, one of my great joys was making all of this amazing delicious food and sharing it with friends in the community. It lit me up.

That light dulled when I switched to GAPS - at the time I thought it was the best way to heal my son, and so off our family went to this way of eating. Same when we switched to Paleo, then by the time we got to autoimmune Paleo I'd lost the ability to prepare food altogether. I'd give my husband recipes and he'd make the food, but it was all so practical, not beautiful colorful dishes full of vibrant life. Well, if you've been following along my healing journey (which you can read about here if you haven't and are curious), you know I regained the ability to prepare food when I began my Medical Medium journey.

But it wasn't until this past week that my love for it returned, and the light came back. I just noticed it was there again, and I'm again loving being in the kitchen and finding new and wonderful things to create for my family - foods I would be proud to share again. I've been soaking and sprouting and creating and finding all sorts of delicious ways to prepare my foods, and being in the kitchen hasn't felt like a chore at all - it's felt like a gift again, like I have my creative mojo back. My family couldn't be happier, let me tell you.

I can't wait to see what the next three and a half months have to show me. Three and a half months of deep study, introspection, meditation, mindfulness with my food, emotional upheaval possibly. I'm ready for it now. I've reached that level of healing where I AM ready to take it to the next level, so we shall see. Right now I feel great, I'm raring to go, I feel peaceful and centered and powerful. Woo!



Thursday, November 2, 2017

I Went and Popped Some Tags!

The other day I had such an amazing #victorycheck that I was buzzing from the high of it the whole day! Another level of healing reached, folks, it just keeps getting better!

When I go out into the world, I still go out as a chronically ill human to a degree - I always have another adult with me just in case, I usually have anxiety about going to new places - even with my family. It's just a part of having lived a life with chronic illness for so many years - even though I am healing, everything is still all in baby steps.

I'm still at home most of the time, because healing is my full time job - I need to be at home to prepare food, to make sure things happen in their regular routine, to make sure I listen to and care for my body properly, to get enough rest. It's not that I NEVER go out, it's just that going out generally takes a deal of preparation beforehand, I don't generally "just go out really quickly" and definitely not spontaneously. At the very least a cooler needs to be filled with fruit and drinks need to be on hand for hydration for anywhere longer than an hour outside of my home.

And that works for me right now, it's a good thing. I'm happy with that and I feel good about how things work.

My husband does a lot of the grocery shopping and errand running, because he is much more used to being in the world and gets less exhausted by it - and most of the places we get food are also really conveniently located close to where my husband works, so it's easy for him to just run out at lunch or after work on the way home.

But the other day my son pre-ordered a video game he was super excited to get, and they are almost always released on a Friday. My son of course wants to go pick up said game as soon as the store opens, which is 10 AM - while my husband is at work.


 So it was up to me, and I felt like I could do it. We drove the half hour to Best Buy, just my son and myself (we since learned there's a closer one but no big deal, we'll know for next time). In the past, electronics stores have just been a big no for me - I couldn't even enter them with a mask on from all of the plastics, EMFs and radiation happening in there - there are certain electronics stores I couldn't even be in the parking lot of, my body would receive so much damage from being near them (Fry's).

But I've been healing. I've been filling my body with healing foods almost exclusively. I've been doing so much work, and I've been feeling so much better. And that day I felt like I could do it. It bears mentioning that it's been months since I've worn my Vogmask anywhere, to the point where I've at times even left my purse at home - my purse that contains the masks and my EpiPen most importantly. Because I haven't needed them, I haven't needed my mask to enter a building in months! Even Target, which tends to be really difficult for me. Even Costco, with all of the tires and electronics....no mask. AH-MAY-ZING!


I'm thinking I'll just go into this Best Buy, we'll get the game at the front of the store where you pick up orders, and we'll go - no lingering, I ought to be able to handle that. And we DID go in and pick up the game - and I'll say it was surprising just HOW good I felt - like I was in SUCH a great space! I was chatting with the employees who checked me out - they were so friendly too - and I felt ZERO anxiety. Double take on that one, because it's unheard of for me - NO anxiety whatsoever.

!!!!!

And THEN I needed to use the restroom (I drink SO many juices and smoothies and teas! LOL), which as it turns out was at the very back of the store. Okay, I'll just bolt through, I mean as much as I can bolt - which means walk fast really. But I didn't need to. I was noticing that I wasn't feeling affected like I have in the past - I was still fine. And when I came out of the restroom, we actually even browsed a little bit and found a plush my son had been wanting, so we got that, too.

And when I left that store, I was feeling great about the whole experience, because I'm so very aware of what I had just accomplished there. Again, before the Medical Medium protocols, before the healing plants, there was just no way I could have even left the house, let alone do all that I just did, with no other adults.

And then we were going to hit a second store, which I quickly realized was in the mall, and we decided to find another location for that one....but in the meanwhile I spotted a thrift store and I just decided to take a look. I've been looking for a couple of items that I knew I could find in the right thrift store, and this was one we hadn't yet tried. And I was feeling SO good...



So I did it. And not only was I able to go in and be inside that thrift store, but I was able to browse, and find not only the items I was looking for, but a couple of cool scores for my kiddo as well (who was out in the car playing his new game). I even bought the first items and came out, got him from the car and convinced him to go back in with me to see if he wanted the things I'd found. So I went in TWICE and stayed long enough to browse through the store. And no brain fog, no migraine, no headache at all, no feeling sick or losing my ability to breathe. None of the things that would have happened before.

My body is healing! Another layer of achievement unlocked! I can thrift again! I'm gonna pop some tags...woot!

I was on cloud nine after that, for the rest of the day. I did that! Me! That was so huge! I was so proud of myself! No anxiety! No other symptoms! No crash the next day! No crash even when we got home! Each time I try a new thing that I'd lost, I'm able to do it! And I seem to intuitively know when I can, too. So I'm regaining trust - with myself and the world. That's gigantic. That's miraculous.

I wish I could thank every employee I interacted with at both Best Buy and Savers, because they were all so incredibly friendly and helpful. I know they probably have no idea how much that means, and how much of a positive impact they had on me that day, how much they helped me reintegrate into the world again, and take those steps. I wish I could tell them how important it was. They were like angels helping to make my way back into the world and make it as easy and pleasant as possible.

Well, I'm telling YOU, whomever is reading this. The fact that they were friendly and kind and chatty with me, that was huge. It helped me so much. And maybe it was also because I was in such a good space that day, it just felt like the stars aligned for me, to make everything work. Knowing that I could do that makes me know I can do other things too. It's so wonderful to see this healing in action!

Sometimes I still cannot believe my life. I'm still blown away that I am healing a whole page of diagnoses that the medical community - allopathic and alternative - had no idea how to help. I'm still amazed and awed that I can do these things again, at how much health is returning. I'm so so grateful for all of it. To myself for listening to that voice telling me to do this. To Anthony William, the Medical Medium, for literally sacrificing any semblance of a normal life to take on this gift for US, to get the information out there that WE CAN HEAL. For my finding and being able to read his book despite all of the brain fog at that time. For the whole community of people who are also healing this way, and for the social media that connects us. I have never found a more supportive or helpful community of humans in my life - all connected by one thing - healing chronic illness.

Sometimes life really is good, and I'm so happy that I still have the ability to see that.


Thursday, September 28, 2017

Healing in Unexpected Places

Protip: Do NOT do an image search for "mole on my bum".
Cannot unsee. Can. Not. Unsee. 
I just had to post a little update because I noticed something new that healed. It's something I was hoping would go away, hoping would heal, but it was one of the "least of my worries" so to speak. I had this mole underneath my bum, where my bum meets my leg. It was one - I've never seen it, mind you, but it stuck out and felt like a skin tag of some sort. I could pull at it and get it in my fingers but I couldn't get rid of it. I haven't always had it, either - it just appeared one day a few years ago and wouldn't leave my body. I hated it, but it was a minor nuisance compared to all of the other health condtions I had going on.

The other day I reached down to the area where that mole is and.....it wasn't there. I thought, "Am I feeling the wrong side? Is it on the other side?" I reached to the other side and nothing, so I felt for it again where I always remembered it to be. Nothing there. I was quite surprised, so I had my husband take a look, and he confirmed that now just looked like a little flat mole, like the other "little brown dots" I have on my arms. It's gone! I don't care about a little brown dot, that horrid skin tag sticking up mole is gone!!!

I just remembered I also have one on my head that's more solid, and that one has always been there that I remember anyway. I felt that one and it's shrinking too - now instead of something I can get my fingers around, it just feels like a little bump, like a mosquito bite or something.

Also, I don't know if it will be noticable to anyone but me, but I've been losing weight as well. It took a long time for my liver to clear out enough that my body could finally start releasing fat - boy, did it. But finally, finally it is. I don't own a scale so I have no idea how much, but I can see my belly deflating, my clothes are loose, I can tie my kitchen apron tighter around my waist. 


These are not my toes. Mine are short and stubby.
But this simple action....we so take for granted. 
Oh, and another thing that has happened - I can cut my own toenails again! I wasn't able to for a long time because of my Dysautonomia/POTS - I'd get too dizzy trying to bend in a way that allowed me to reach them, and my body was in so much pain that I couldn't properly bring them up to a reachable level. It just didn't work for me to do it myself. So my husband was having to cut them for me. And it is so weird to have someone else cut your toenails when you're used to doing them yourself - it was not something I enjoyed at all. But now, no dysautonomia, no body pain to prevent free movement, and I can again reach, bend, cut my toenails myself! Ta-daa!


!!!

Holy schminolies. 

I just....how cool is that!?! Medical Medium healing protocol for the win! 

Those seemingly little things are huge. And that's progress -  that's healing. That's part of what eating healing foods, taking healing supplements, and knowing the root cause of all of my issues is doing for me. Knowing what each food does and how it helps me, knowing that my issues are viral and that they are being taken down by everything I eat or ingest, it's all a part of my healing. When we know what the root cause of our illness is, it allows the body to target that thing and heal more powerfully - faster even. All of it makes a difference, it all matters.

And each little step along the way is bigger than we know. That little mole? Huge that it's gone. Being able to cut my toenails myself? You don't know how much it means until you lose it. But I'm getting it all back, baby. Little by little, step by step. I'm reclaiming my health and my life, and it feels amazing when I can see physically that yes, look, this is still working, this is still happening. 


Wednesday, September 27, 2017

And So We Adjust

Well, we made it through the first day of Daddy not being here. It was a rough go, let me tell you - no one was happy or settled about it. Frenzie (the cat) was meowing and crying all day at random intervals. Muffins the Pug kept barking at the door. Boy cried off and on missing his Dad. I had to be The Mama and comfort them all.

We were SO tired, we went to bed at the early hour of 9 (I wanted 7 but Boy insisted it had to be dark for us to sleep). We also slept until 8, so we were TIRED. Usually when we go to sleep, Muffins will crawl into bed with me and sleep for awhile, then when Dad goes to bed, he will come in and get her and they will go sleep in the other bed (Boy sleeps with me and Frenzie). So last night as we all piled into the bed, Muffins sat at the foot of the bed staring expectantly at the door, and as far as I know, did this for hours even after the lights were off and everyone else had fallen asleep.

Seeing Muffins staring expectantly looking for Daddy set Boy off, and he couldn't stop crying. Poor guy. The animals didn't understand, and that made Boy's empathy meter go off. Frenzie kept going in and out of the room looking for Daddy, but she finally just gave up and snuggled around my neck like she does when we sleep, and she slept most of the night.

Finally, finally everyone fell asleep, and some time during the night Muffins gave up her watch and came and snuggled by my head with her head on my shoulder, snoring into my ear. As I'm a light sleeper this didn't play well for me, so she moved down between myself and Boy and slept there for the rest of the night.

Well, we made it through. Today is a new day. Daddy is driving the truck all day today, from Washintgon to Montana, where he will again sleep in probably not the nicest motel (but the best $60 can buy!), but it's one day closer to him returning home, where he will likely be bombarded by Boy and the animals in fits of love and snuggles.

Wish us luck! The hardest bit is over, so that's a huge relief. Flight went off without a hitch, truck was rented (early even) and loaded successfully, husband is safe and intact (most importantly), driving happened the first night and got him to Washington safely. All of this is a huge relief. I made him check in regularly, texted him updates of how much everyone misses him, set alarms on his phone for 11:11 and 5:55 to cheer him on and remind him of how much we love him.

By the way, I don't know when Budget became cheaper than U-Haul to move across country, but it was by a couple hundred dollars. Previous to this we've always ended up using U-Haul after comparing all of the options because it always ended up being the least expensive option, but not this time. This time Budget was much cheaper. So, just FYI in case you're moving across the country on the cheap. And PODS was 2.5 times the amount of either of those options, so despite the sort of convenience (you still have to load and unload them yourself), it was just out for us. In case you wondered.

Unlike yesterday where I was dragging all day after getting up so early, today in addition to my morning juice and smoothie routine, I have sucessfully walked the dog, fed both animals, gotten laundry started, given everyone their supplements, washed the dishes, and gotten a huge bag of bananas ready to freeze. I also wrote a blog post and am about to refill our supplement containers, then make pizza for Boy.


 Let's take a minute to reflect, shall we? Fifteen months ago I could not even get up off the sofa to do one thing on that list. I had JUST managed to be making myself a smoothie daily, no more. That act would exhaust me. Yesterday, in contrast, while I was exhausted I still managed to do a load of dishes before I went to bed so I wouldn't have so much to do when I got up. And remember, we're in an RV, so I'm washing those dishes by hand, not loading a dishwasher. This is the difference in the energy I have and the kind of energy I have. Exhausted now means something entirely different than exhausted then. Then it was full on fatigue, exhausted meant I had nothing left in me, nothing to "push past", there was just NO fuel in the tank.

But now exhausted means I maybe can still get up and do what needs to be done. I can be the Mama, I can take care of my space. I can feed my kiddo and myself and the animals, I can get up and take Muffins outside to relieve herself, even though I'm tired. It's worlds apart. I've come SO far. And I never would have been able to even entertain the idea of us being on our own for five days fifteen months ago. No way! My husband was our caregiver, we needed him to do everything. That he can now go away and know we'll be all right without him - well, it's just something that hasn't been possible in a long long time - many years.

I know I keep saying it, and I will continue to keep saying it. Thanks to the information in the Medical Medium books, I have been able to heal. I've been able to be well enough to be in the world again, to take care of my space again, to take care of the needs of all of the people and animals that depend on me again, and I am so grateful for all of that healing information and my ability to follow it. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Hanging Out, Down the Street

Oh, here's something I haven't remembered to do in while - give an update, share my thoughts, any of that... What blog?

So much has happened that it's silly I haven't updated before this. Now I have to try and summarize it in a post!

We spent the summer in Wisconsin. We didn't intend to - we were going to visit a friend of the Boy's - an online friend. We'd met them at the Unschooling Conference earlier in the spring and since we were "close" (the conference was in Ohio), we decided to go for a proper visit. Timing wise we had a couple of weeks to kill before they'd be available so we decided to stop and visit one of MY online friends who I was itching to meet IRL. Well, my friend has two kids near in age to the Boy, and they CLICKED in such an amazing way.

The visit to the Boy's other friend turned into a disaster - I won't go into details because honestly I don't want to relive it, but it did NOT work out. The Boy asked if we could live in Wisconsin though, to be near the friends he clicked with. He was tired of traveling, tired of the inconsistent internet connection, tired of having half his stuff in storage and having to put everything away after he used it because we needed the bed to sleep in later and it was the only place he had to play.

He wasn't really keen on all of the exploring of new places that his Dad and I loved so much, and he wanted to be in a stationary house again. So we began to look for places to live and jobs for my husband in Wisconsin. Of all places. Not the West Coast where our hearts live, but Wisconsin where friends live. Friends we really connect with and that my son adores. 



So here we are. My husband found a job that pays what we need it to, we found an apartment we think we will like, and we're giving this place  a go for the next year. Why not? Kiddo needs some stability and I certainly can see the draw of having a full kitchen again, space to spread out and do things, and a full sized oven to bake in.

Which brings us to today. When we left, we put all of our extra belongings in storage in Oregon, which of course is where they still are. In order to retrieve them, we put the Husband on a plane early this morning. He's flying to Portland, picking up the moving truck, loading it up, then driving it back across the country. By himself. Which will take about 4-5 days.

The anxiety around this trip! Firstly, he and I haven't been apart for that long since we moved to Washington state in 2004. And that was for a week, and I stayed with friends until he arrived. It was just us, too - no children to worry about. Secondly the Boy has never been apart from his Dad like this in his whole life, so there is much sadness there. They are total buddies, too - they game together and play together and hang out and go for walks to talk about video games together. Five whole days for him is a long time to be without his Dad!

And of course his online friends are going to be offline this week, too, because they are visiting friends - the timing of this! Ack! We have two saving graces here - 1) We get to see our friends on Thursday. 2) Friday the new Yo-Kai Watch video game comes out, which is my son's very favorite game to play, especially with his Dad. And if all goes well, his Dad will be back Friday night. Fingers crossed!



Now I know that 4 days isn't a lot on the grand scheme of things, but right now for my son especially, it is a long time! And for me....well,  this will be the first time since way before my health tanked that I will be on my own like this. So much has changed since the last time we were apart for a week, and since  I was so sick as well. There's no way we could have done something like this 15 months ago - I wouldn't have been able to care for myself, let alone for my son. But here we are, my health drastically improved, able to take care if us again, and I know we'll be okay. It's a big step in so many ways.

And when my husband gets back, we'll be getting the apartment ready to move into, and we'll be moving in! Another huge step towards another new chapter in our lives. My son has never seen a big snowy winter before, or four distinctly separate seasons, so this will be an adventure for sure! Lakes that freeze and people ice skate on them??? Outside?!? Snow measures in feet instead of centimeters? And all winter? Oh my goodness.

Well, here we go...