Thursday, September 28, 2017

Healing in Unexpected Places

Protip: Do NOT do an image search for "mole on my bum".
Cannot unsee. Can. Not. Unsee. 
I just had to post a little update because I noticed something new that healed. It's something I was hopinh would go away, hoping would heal, but it was one of the "least of my worries" so to speak. I had this mole underneath my bum, where my bum meets my leg. It was one - I've never seen it, mind you, but it stuck out and felt like a skin tag of some sort. I could pull at it and get it in my fingers but I couldn't get rid of it. I haven't always had it, either - it just appeared one day a few years ago and wouldn't leave my body. I hated it, but it was a minor nuisance compared to all of the other health condtions I had going on.

The other day I reached down to the area where that mole is wasn't there. I thought, "Am I feeling the wrong side? Is it on the other side?" I reached to the other side and nothing, so I felt for it again where I always remembered it to be. Nothing there. I was quite surprised, so I had my husband take a look, and he confirmed that now just looked like a little flat mole, like the other "little brown dots" I have on my arms. It's gone! I don't care about a little brown dot, that horrid skin tag sticking up mole is gone!!!

I just remembered I also have one on my head that's more solid, and that one has always been there that I remember anyway. I felt that one and it's shrinking too - now instead of something I can get my fingers around, it just feels like a little bump, like a mosquito bite or something.

Also, I don't know if it will be noticable to anyone but me, but I've been losing weight as well. It took a long time for my liver to clear out enough that my body could finally start releasing fat - boy, did it. But finally, finally it is. I don't own a scale so I have no idea how much, but I can see my belly deflating, my clothes are loose, I can tie my kitchen apron tighter around my waist. 

These are not my toes. Mine are short and stubby.
But this simple action....we so take for granted. 
Oh, and another thing that has happened - I can cut my own toenails again! I wasn't able to for a long time because of my Dysautonomia/POTS - I'd get too dizzy trying to bend in a way that allowed me to reach them, and my body was in so much pain that I couldn't properly bring them up to a reachable level. It just didn't work for me to do it myself. So my husband was having to cut them for me. And it is so weird to have someone else cut your toenails when you're used to doing htem yourself - it was not something I enjoyed at all. But now, no dysautonomia, no body pain to prevent free movement, and I can again reach, bend, cut my toenails myself. Ta-daa!


Holy schminolies. 

I cool is that! Medical Medium healing protocol for the win! 

Those seemingly little things are huge. And that's progress -  that's healing. That's part of what eating healing foods, taking healing supplements, and knowing the root cause of all of my issues is doing for me. Knowing what each food does and how it helps me, knowing that my issues are viral and that they are being taken down by everything I eat or ingest, it's all a part of my healing. When we know what the root cause of our illness is, it allows the body to target that thing and heal more powerfully - faster even. All of it makes a difference, it all matters.

And each little step along the way is bigger than we know. That little mole? Huge that it's gone. Being able to cut my toenails myself? You don't know how much it means until you lose it. But I'm getting it all back, baby. Little by little, step by step. I'm reclaiming my health and my life, and it feels amazing when I can see physically that yes, look, this is still working, this is still happening. 

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

And So We Adjust

Well, we made it through the first day of Daddy not being here. It was a rough go, let me tell you - no one was happy or settled about it. Frenzie (the cat) was meowing and crying all day at random intervals. Muffins the Pug kept barking at the door. Boy cried off and on missing his Dad. I had to be The Mama and comfort them all.

We were SO tired, we went to bed at the early hour of 9 (I wanted 7 but Boy insisted it had to be dark for us to sleep). We also slept until 8, so we were TIRED. Usually when we go to sleep, Muffins will crawl into bed with me and sleep for awhile, then when Dad goes to bed, he will come in and get her and they will go sleep in the other bed (Boy sleeps with me and Frenzie). So last night as we all piled into the bed, Muffins sat at the foot of the bed staring expectantly at the door, and as far as I know, did this for hours even after the lights were off and everyone else had fallen asleep.

Seeing Muffins staring expectantly looking for Daddy set Boy off, and he couldn't stop crying. Poor guy. The animals didn't understand, and that made Boy's empathy meter go off. Frenzie kept going in and out of the room looking for Daddy, but she finally just gave up and snuggled around my neck like she does when we sleep, and she slept most of the night.

Finally, finally everyone fell asleep, and some time during the night Muffins gave up her watch and came and snuggled by my head with her head on my shoulder, snoring into my ear. As I'm a light sleeper this didn't play well for me, so she moved down between myself and Boy and slept there for the rest of the night.

Well, we made it through. Today is a new day. Daddy is driving the truck all day today, from Washintgon to Montana, where he will again sleep in probably not the nicest motel (but the best $60 can buy!), but it's one day closer to him returning home, where he will likely be bombarded by Boy and the animals in fits of love and snuggles.

Wish us luck! The hardest bit is over, so that's a huge relief. Flight went off without a hitch, truck was rented (early even) and loaded successfully, husband is safe and intact (most importantly), driving happened the first night and got him to Washington safely. All of this is a huge relief. I made him check in regularly, texted him updates of how much everyone misses him, set alarms on his phone for 11:11 and 5:55 to cheer him on and remind him of how much we love him.

By the way, I don't know when Budget became cheaper than U-Haul to move across country, but it was by a couple hundred dollars. Previous to this we've always ended up using U-Haul after comparing all of the options because it always ended up being the least expensive option, but not this time. This time Budget was much cheaper. So, just FYI in case you're moving across the country on the cheap. And PODS was 2.5 times the amount of either of those options, so despite the sort of convenience (you still have to load and unload them yourself), it was just out for us. In case you wondered.

Unlike yesterday where I was dragging all day after getting up so early, today in addition to my morning juice and smoothie routine, I have sucessfully walked the dog, fed both animals, gotten laundry started, given everyone their supplements, washed the dishes, and gotten a huge bag of bananas ready to freeze. I also wrote a blog post and am about to refill our supplement containers, then make pizza for Boy.

 Let's take a minute to reflect, shall we? Fifteen months ago I could not even get up off the sofa to do one thing on that list. I had JUST managed to be making myself a smoothie daily, no more. That act would exhaust me. Yesterday, in contrast, while I was exhausted I still managed to do a load of dishes before I went to bed so I wouldn't have so much to do when I got up. And remember, we're in an RV, so I'm washing those dishes by hand, not loading a dishwasher. This is the difference in the energy I have and the kind of energy I have. Exhausted now means something entirely different than exhausted then. Then it was full on fatigue, exhausted meant I had nothing left in me, nothing to "push past", there was just NO fuel in the tank.

But now exhausted means I maybe can still get up and do what needs to be done. I can be the Mama, I can take care of my space. I can feed my kiddo and myself and the animals, I can get up and take Muffins outside to relieve herself, even though I'm tired. It's worlds apart. I've come SO far. And I never would have been able to even entertain the idea of us being on our own for five days fifteen months ago. No way! My husband was our caregiver, we needed him to do everything. That he can now go away and know we'll be all right without him - well, it's just something that hasn't been possible in a long long time - many years.

I know I keep saying it, and I will continue to keep saying it. Thanks to the information in the Medical Medium books, I have been able to heal. I've been able to be well enough to be in the world again, to take care of my space again, to take care of the needs of all of the people and animals that depend on me again, and I am so grateful for all of that healing information and my ability to follow it. 

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Hanging Out, Down the Street

Oh, here's something I haven't remembered to do in while - give an update, share my thoughts, any of that... What blog?

So much has happened that it's silly I haven't updated before this. Now I have to try and summarize it in a post!

We spent the summer in Wisconsin. We didn't intend to - we were going to visit a friend of the Boy's - an online friend. We'd met them at the Unschooling Conference earlier in the spring and since we were "close" (the conference was in Ohio), we decided to go for a proper visit. Timing wise we had a couple of weeks to kill before they'd be available so we decided to stop and visit one of MY online friends who I was itching to meet IRL. Well, my friend has two kids near in age to the Boy, and they CLICKED in such an amazing way.

The visit to the Boy's other friend turned into a disaster - I won't go into details because honestly I don't want to relive it, but it did NOT work out. The Boy asked if we could like in Wisconsin though, to be near the friends he clicked with. He was tired of traveling, tired of the inconsistent internet connection, tired of having half his stuff in storage and having to put everything away after he used it because we needed the bed to sleep in later and it was the only place he had to play.

He wasn't really keen on all of the exploring of new places that his Dad and I loved so much, and he wanted to be in a stationary house again. So we began to look for places to live and jobs for my husband in Wisconsin. Of all places. Not the West Coast where our hearts live, but Wisconsin where friends live. Friends we really connect with and that my son adores. 

So here we are. My husband found a job that pays what we need it to, we found an apartment we think we will like, and we're giving this place  a go for the next year. Why not? Kiddo needs some stability and I certainly can see the draw of having a full kitchen again, space to spread out and do things, and a full sized oven to bake in.

Which brings us to today. When we left, we put all of our extra belongings in storage in Oregon, which of course is where they still are. In order to retrieve them, we put the Husband on a plane early this morning. He's flying to Portland, picking up the moving truck, loading it up, then driving it back across the country. By himself. Which will take about 4-5 days.

The anxiety around this trip! Firstly, he and I haven't been apart for that long since we moved to Washington state in 2004. And that was for a week, and I stayed with friends until he arrived. It was just us, too - no children to worry about. Secondly the Boy has never been apart from his Dad like this in his whole life, so there is much sadness there. They are total buddies, too - they game together and play together and hang out and go for walks to talk about video games together. Five whole days for him is a long time to be without his Dad!

And of course his online friends are going to be offline this week, too, because they are visiting friends - the timing of this! Ack! We have two saving graces here - 1) We get to see our friends on Thursday. 2) Friday the new Yo-Kai Watch video game comes out, which is my son's very favorite game to play, especially with his Dad. And if all goes well, his Dad will be back Friday night. Fingers crossed!

Now I know that 4 days isn't a lot on the grand scheme of things, but right now for my son especially, it is a long time! And for me....well,  this will be the first time since way before my health tanked that I will be on my own like this. So much has changed since the last time we were apart for a week, and since  I was so sick as well. There's no way we could have done something like this 15 months ago - I wouldn't have been able to care for myself, let along for my son. But here we are, my health drastically improved, able to take care if us again, and I know we'll be okay. It's a big step in so many ways.

And when my husband gets back, we'll be getting the apartment ready to move into, and we'll be moving in! Another huge step towards another new chapter in our lives. My son has never seen a big snowy winter before, or four distinctly separate seasons, so this will be an adventure for sure! Lakes that freeze and people ice skate on them??? Outside?!? Snow measures in feet instead of centimeters? And all winter? Oh my goodness.

Well, here we go...

Friday, July 21, 2017

Well, my adrenal experiment went awry, not because what was happening was bad, but because life happens, and life has been particularly challenging lately in external circumstances. And I just haven't been able to pay attention to keeping track of feeding my adrenals. Sorry, adrenals, I'll keep doing my best! 

In no particular order...

We find ourselves dealing with some logistical challenges to being able to live in this new area, which has been very stressful for us. Some things we thought would be improvements turned themselves into impediments...and it's getting tricky.

We found out that some friends back in the midwest were in a house fire and the wife was badly burned - 3rd degree over 70% of her body. Her condition is critical and their family is in my heart, prayers and thoughts constantly.

There was a day we went out for the day and I'd packed a cooler full of snacks to sustain us and my husband left it at home, and that same day there was an indicent with my trying to be in the grocery store by myself, and people lacking compassion, and that just set me back.

We had a tornado warning in the area, which was my son's first, since he grew up in the Pacific Northwest where the natural disaster du' jour would be either volcanoes erupting or earthquakes, none of which happened while we lived there. So the having to drop everything when the sirens sounded and head to the main clubhouse basement for shelter with all of the other park inhabitants did NOT amuse him at all. He was pretty freaked out. Muffins and Frenzie came, too, and that's the photo you're looking at up there. 

I've been having maybe extra detox with a supplement I'm taking and in addition to skin issues and brain fog a bit, I've also been having extra fatigue and pain in my body. Not cool, Cat's Claw! I'll be backing WAY down on you.

We're having a lot of feelings of loss about our family's direction. Where to live, how to go about it, what is the best thing for us right now.

I'm sure all of this nonsense is made worse by my not properly supporting my already depleted adrenals. My sleep has been bad, I cannot seem to get restful sleep. We cannot have the A/C on in the RV overnight for reasons, and the mugginess and heat seep in as we sleep are not helpful.

There are a lot of things about this area that really aren't working for me health-wise. And that sucks because my son really wants to hang  out with this family that lives here, and so do we.

It's been a struggle for us lately, one we are both processing and looking for ways to work through. So that left my adrenal experiment all wonky, because for the life of me I could NOT follow my phone alarms and just eat when I was supposed to.

However, I HAVE been managing at least ONE adrenal snack each day, which I will call progress, because I had pretty much let it slide before. And if you count my morning smoothie and my salads, I've really been managing three. And that's huge.

The adrenal experiment will happen! For now I'm just going to do my best and also do my best to report the results. 

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Adrenal Experiment Day 3

Because it's still a lot for me to keep up with daily posts. I'm working on it. 

Day 2 I felt good all day - stronger, more energetic, more focused, less brain fog.

I managed to eat all of my adrenal snacks but one, I think. 

Toward the end of the day, which did prove to be a stressful day due to external circumstances, I did become irritable and grouchy. But like I said, stressful external circumstances.

Day 3 again, at a friend's house but still did all my adrenal snacks but one. Felt physically strong and clear, but I did also notice some difficulty in processing and connecting my mouth to my brain. As this hapens to me frequently, I cannot attribute it entirely to eating the snacks - it's a sign of neurological damage that I am still working to heal, and it will just take time. Maybe some detox going on with the damage coming out more.

Again with the stress, feeling frustrated, resigned, sad, unsure, put me in a bad place.

But again feeling physically well, more energy throughout the day, less of that crashing feeling.